Blogger Notes: Today's blog contains a couple cuss words. I could have easily disguised them such as s#!!% or f@(%, but my mother-in-law who is my biggest blog fan(perhaps the only) had a complaint. "Where is the profanity?" So today I leave them in just for you Jean. Now please get off my ass and let me write!
Recently I had the opportunity to go to one of those touristy dinner shows called Midevil Times. This is a franchised operation with several locations all in tourist areas. I went to a similar show that was themed with Pirates a few years back. The idea behind all of these shows is: Keep It Simple Stupid! The audience/dinners are seated around the stage, pirate ship, or in this case a giant sand box for the horseys to play and run. The seating area is divided up into six colors. Each color will have someone to cheer for, albiet a pirate, knight, or whatever. We eat and cheer for our color. Can't be any simplier.
Midevil Times has one big diffence. Since this is supposed to be about the olden days with knights and kings they decided to get us in the mood we would not be given any silverware. Yep, we shall eat with our hands! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when this whole idea was pitched to the financial backer when Midevil Times was planned. Did it go like this:
So you want to put on a dinner show with knights and jousting and all that stuff, right?
Yes. People will cheer for thier knight as he performs stunts, and battles with lances and swords.
Interesting. Anything else?
To get everyone in the mood, there will be no silverware. They eat with their hands like the old days.
Are you nuts! No one wants to eat with their hands.
By doing so we will save $XX amount of dollars on silverware, dishwashing, and staff.
Wow! I love it!
Now I know the show is going to be cheesey and somewhat predictable. But I am a tourist and I'm not going to be critical. Just going to watch and cheer for my color and have a good time. With one exception, the king's daughter. I can't remember her name so I will call her Princess Cantactalot. Every time that woman opened her mouth I could only think to myself "Who did she know and what did she have to do to get this job?". I have seen better acting at a kindergarten play. With that said, on to enjoy the show.
As we are being servered our first course, the emcee comes out on a beautifully decorated white horse. The lights are dimmed and the spotlight beams down on him as he explains the storyline and what a treat we are all in for. What happened next proved to me that the horse was the bect actor out there. How he was able to perform exactly on cue was amazing. Just as the excee was finishing his speech that horse raised his tail and produced a huge pile of .........EVERYONE. LET'S EAT!!!
Everyone is now trying to put that last memory out of our heads as we slurp our soup out of a bowl. I over heard our server telling a group next to us that our knight, the green knight, was an evil knight. Oh really, how evil can he be? I told my wife that if that is the case then our knight will do quite well but will lose in the end because good always wins over evil. At least in tourist shows. We soon learn that our Green Knight is evil and is responsible for kidnapping the kings son. He is the guy who is to marry Princess Cantactforshitalot. <-------- Did you catch that Jean?
As the show proceeds along with our dinner things start to get ugly. Ever try to eat a half of a roasted chicken and ribs without silverware? I would have paid five dollars for a wet wipe, but only had one cheap flimsy napkin. But things were getting uglier on the show. I didn't mind being on the team(color) that was for the bad guy and it seemed that my other green team section didn't either. In fact, we embraced it. With every little evil thing our knight did our green team cheered with joy. Soon we were by far louder than any other color section. In fact, it became clear that it was the green section against everyone else. I thought to myself that will probably try to tone this down a bit. I was wrong.
With every compitition our Green Knight was flawless. When one of the other knights would make a mistake my green team would ridicule and jeer them. Twice knights from the other team came over to our section and pointed at us and then pointed at their horse's ass. <-------- there is another one Jean. This was not toning it down and our Green Team became louder and unrulier. Then when Princess Cantactherwayoutofapaperbagalot spoke about the Prince someone from the Green section shouted "The Prince is Dead!". This was getting uglier and no one seemed to care. We on the Green team didn't care and our Green Knight seemed to love it and encouraged us on. Our Green Knight took on the persona of the biggest, meanest wrestler on the WWE. About dessert time the king was giving a speech about peace when yet another Green Team member shouted out "Fuck Peace!" <------that one is the big one now Jean.
Of course in the end the Green Knight was defeated. There was never any doubt, but I was surprised how unruly they let our team become. The Green Team lost but we had the best time by far. We were hated by all the other teams. But we were more full of hate, vulgarity, and just plain nastiness. It Was Great!!! As the show concluded I leaned over to my wife and said "Now I know what it is like to be a member of the Tea Party".
