He Who Shall Not Be Named

    My blog is less than two months old and I just scored my second big interview. Today I spoke with Dr. Frank N. Stien, head scientist at FOX News. I don't like to do two political blogs in a row, but how could I pass this up? So bear with me and I promise to do a lighter blog next time. Thanks.

  Dr. Frank, thanks for taking time off  from your busy schedule.

  Sure Mr. Brown, but can we make this quick. I am very busy.

  Okay, tell me what you are doing working for FOX?

  Well, I don't want to brag, but I created the Tea Party.

  Really! So you were behind all the organizing?

  No. I CREATED them, in my lab. Well, all the leaders.


  You mean they are not real people?

  Of course not! You liberals can be so dumb.

  I don't consider myself a liberal, but that isn't important. I just can't believe that all the tea party leaders aren't human.

  Mr. Brown, just look at one of my most successful creations, Michele Bachmann. You really thought she was real? My god man, look at her. She doesn't even blink!

  When you put it that way. She does look a little freakish. You must be proud of yourself.

  It took a lot of hard work. But yes I am.

  So what was your first creation?

  Ron Paul. He was a good first prototype, but my bosses at FOX News were not that impressed. But then I came up with "The Son of Ron Paul" and he was a big hit.

  So I take it you created Christine O'Donnell?

  Everybody has to bring that one up. It wasn't my fault! FOX News rushed me to complete her for the election before it was ready. 

  There were problems"

  What do you think smart guy? The worst part was that she wouldn't stop talking. Then I asked my assistant Igor to make her a switch so we could shut her mouth off. Well Igor, he doesn't hear so good. He thought I said to make her a witch.

  That explains a lot! So tell me Dr. Frank, do you work for FOX News or the Republican Party?

  One in the same Mr. Brown. 

  So who is really pulling the strings there, Karl Rove?

  Mr. Rove is just a messenger boy.

  For who?

  We call him "He who shall not be named".

  Oh, like Lord Voldemort?

  About a hundred timed scarier. 

  So tell me Dr. Frank, aren't you afraid you have made this Tea Party creation so powerful that you might lose control of it.

  Don't be silly. We are their masters. They know that.

  Are you sure? Things are looking a little out of control in the House of Representatives

  Igor! Get down there and reprogram them.

  Oh geez! One of your creations just kicked John Boehner in the nuts.

  Have to go Mr. Brown. Bye. 

     

                    

       

I'm an Elitist

Reality Check:  I am an elitist!

    And now thanks to FOX News with the help from the American Tea Party, you can be an elitist too. Seems the above mentioned group has lowered the bar to be an elitist. . . . substantially. Just answer the three questions correctly and you too can be an elitist. So answer the questions and then check the answers. No peeking before you answer.

Question 1:  What is your highest level of education?

  a) four years or more of college.

  b)  1 to 2 years of college.

  c)  high school

  d)  middle school

  e) I got my education from the University of Hard Knocks.


Question  2:  Which is larger? Your IQ or your shoe size?

  a)  IQ

  b)  I don't know.

  c)  My shoe size.


Questin 3:  Where do you get your news and information?

  a) I get my news from several places like television, newspapers, the internet, and magazines.

  b)  I get my news from one or two of the above.

  c)  I don't see much news unless TMZ or Entertainment Tonight count.

  d)  I listen to FOX News and FOX News only. They are the only ones who tell it like it is and what I want to hear.


                                                            Answers

Question 1:  If you answered a, b, c, d, or e, then you are correct! This is not rocket science and I wanted to start off with an easy one.

Question 2:  If you answered (a) then congrats. Your already an elitist in the eyes of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. You betya!
   If you answered (b) you are correct also. Heck, not many of us know our IQ anyway.
   If you answered (c) you are a smart ass, but you are correct also. If you read the question then your IQ is larger unless you have some really big feet!

Question 3: If you answered (a) then la de da, aren't you the smart one.
    If you answered (b) or (c) then your such an elitist that Glenn Beck thinks your a communist.
    And finally, if you answered (d) you don't want to be an elitist anyway. Your much too busy to think for yourself. But what are you doing at a blog called Reality Check? Run along now and stick your head back in that hole and pretend you were never here. 

Attack of the Killer Vibrators

    Hello again. I finally got my interview with the one who some of you call Rushie-Poo. Unfortunately it didn't start out very well. So I will publish the first part of the interview today and get it over with. Some times that man really gets under my skin. So here is the unedited part one of my visit with Rush.

me:  Hello Rush. It's been a long time.

RL :  Hey Brown. Hasn't been long enough. HELLO  AMERICA!!

me:  Your over two hours late. What took you so long?

RL:  Got held up at airport security. Missed my flight.

me:  Stupid TSA. What a bunch of morons.

RL:  Listen mister! Those fime folks are keeping you safe.

me:  They made you miss your flight.

RL:  It's a small price to pay to keep Obama and the terrorist from getting on the plane.

me: Obama? You mean Osama?

RL:  You heard me.

me:  Come on Rush. Those people are boobs. I have a friend who told me the TSA broke his wife's vibrator into pieces.  I guess they are protecting us from "killer vibrators".

RL:  Look Brown, those brave man and women in uniform are keeping your liberal ass from blowing into pieces. By the way, having trouble pleasing your wife?

me:  I said it was a friend!

RL:  Sure Brown. Is this what you wanted me for? To help with your marital problems? 

me:  No Rush. Certainly not you of all people. I see you haven't lost any weight.

RL;  I happen to know your female readers LOVE me. They even gave me my pet name, Rushie-Poo.

me:  Please Rush, my female readers are smart liberated women.

RL:  And they all want a piece of their Rushie.

me:  Luckily there is plenty to go around.

RL:  I know women. They say they want to be liberated, but what they really want is to be told what to do. They want to please a man. But a real man. Not some mealy mouth, I want to share my feelings wimp of a man like you. No wonder your having problems in the bedroom.

me:  I'm not having problems. I was talking about a friend.

RL:  Sure you are! Sounds like you need a little Reality Check of your own

me:  I hate you Rush! 

                  

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter or Why is Your Hand on My Ass?

Reality  Check:  The double standard between the sexes still exist.

    Okay, no big shock there. But I would like to share with you an example of this. This story is true and I haven't embellished it. Don't need to.


    Last summer my wife and I were lucky enough to visit Universal Studios in Orlando shortly after the opening of the new Harry Potter World. My wife is a Harry Potter fan and has read all the books and while I haven't read the books I have been following the progress of the development of this venture from almost the start. We were both excited to be there, albeit for different reasons. Our excitement paled compared to many of the crowd in attendance. There were many Brits there who had come from much farther away to see J.K. Rowlings fiction come to life.
     While waiting in line to ride the centerpiece of the whole Harry Potter area the ride broke down ahead of us for about twenty minutes. While the line stood still we had a chance to get to know the people around us. There was a nice young British couple behind who had traveled all the way just to see and ride Harry Potter. The ride was fixed and we started moving once again and we finally got a change of scenery as the line slowly went along. The cue for the ride is a ride itself with much to see. So it was no surprise to me when the nice British lass bumped into me. I moved up a little to give her some space as the line stopped for a moment. But once again the women was pressed up against me. Just as I was about to turn and give her "the look", I felt a hand on my bottom... and then a squeeze. Suddenly the women jumped back and screamed "I thought you were my boyfriend.". "I'm so sorry." As much as I would like to think it wasn't an accident<G>, the bright red color of her face proved to me it was. Reality check for me. We had a good laugh and I had a story to tell time and time again about getting groped on Harry Potter.
     But what if the roles had been reversed? What if it were I that grabbed the young woman? The boyfriend might have beat the crap out of me. I might have ended up in jail. Who knows? But certainly there is a double standard here. Just sayin...


Blogger's Notes: Hope some of you are enjoying my ramblings. I have more blogs coming. I just finished an interview with an old friend, Rev Greene from the Church of What's Happening Now. I have an old thread that I will repost when I attempted to be cute and write about bringing my big screen TV home. What followed was much more than I bargained for, but it was quite funny. Also, I think I will bring back my Thanksgiving Day Parade. Finally, I am in negotiations to bring back an old friend(?). Can't say his name until I know for sure, but I can tell you he had a nickname, Rushie-Poo. 

Am I Prejudice?

Reality Check: I am prejudice. Aren't we all? Dictionary.com defines prejudice as: 1)

an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason and 2) any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable. So we can be prejudice in a favorable way also. I have met a dozen or two people from Boston in my lifetime and have found everyone of them to be pleasant, enjoyable people. Certainly there are some pretty nasty Bostonians that I haven't met. But if I meet someone and hear they are from Boston, I'm sure I will pre-judge them in a favorable light. Of course most of us are prejudice in the unfavorable way. I will now show my prejudice on driving.

    First, over 80% of drivers think they are above average drivers. My math tells me that a lot of that 80% are wrong. We good drivers have known this all along. What about the one in five that think your not above average? Well, thank you for your honesty, now get off the road. Perhaps public transportation is in order. 

    Second, what about men vs. women drivers? I prejudicely rule this a tie. Men are certainly better drivers, but men(on a whole) are much more careless. So even though men drivers could dominate this category, their stupidity and egos prevent this. Wow! This is prejudice at its best. I was able to slam both sexes. By the way, there is a place below each blog where you can comment. I have made it pretty easy to use that. You don't have to register and can be anonymous. Please feel free to tell me what you think. It can make this blog much better.

    Third, I want to talk about driving by regions. I have done little driving west of the Mississippi, but from what I have seen it was pretty good. West coasters tend to drive pretty fast as do east coasters, but seem to do it in a more orderly way. Florida driving has to be divided in two. There is driving during tourist season and driving in non season. They both suck!  Driving in Philadelphia has been a real experience. Street lights and signs play a secondary role. The main rule is simple: Everyone yields to the crappiest car. The logic is simple, if my car is nicer than yours I don't want to hit it. An example: you are at a red light waiting for the opposite traffic left turning in front of you. The light turns green, but the traffic keeps turning in front of you. Not just one or two cars. You have to wait until someone with a nicer car than yours comes along and gun it. It helps if you look right at them with a scowl. Think of Dirty Harry "Are you feeling lucky punk". Then they will yield to you. Street lights and signs are only to be used as a tie breaker if two cars of equal value square off. Also, a quick word about parking in Philly. It is allowed, anywhere. Heard of double parking? Philly does triple parking. The same rule applies to parking as right of way. If you have a piece of junk car there is no place you can't park it. The street, the interstate, the yard, anywhere. I once went to a Philly's game and swore I saw two cars parked in left field. Philadelphia has been called the city of brotherly love. I have seen that love many times. Of course I have seen my share of hate there too. But when it come to driving, there is no love. Why is this? My theory is that Philladelphians all have to drive across the Delaware River from time to time into New Jersey. 

    No matter how bad Philly drivers are, they don't come close to Jersey. I think that the problem is that they have another set of driving laws. For example, in the rest of the country a driver merging onto an interstate has to yield to traffic. In Jersey. not only don't you have to yield, they don't even have to look for traffic. Look out! Here I come! Gee, even if your driving a really nice car! The rest of the country uses a turn signal to announce a turn (not nearly as often as they should) and to warn other drivers of a change of lanes. In Jersey it is just the opposite. Never use a turn signal when turning. A Jersey turn signal is like a wild card. If you put your turn signal on you have the right of way. Doesn't matter if you are doing 60mph and that Jersey Boy is doing 30, he is allowed to cut you off as long as he used his turn signal.

    Am I prejudice? Hmmmm.