Are My Hands Getting Bigger or Is It Getting Smaller?

Reality Check:   It's getting smaller.

    Anyone who has gone to the store for a half gallon of ice cream knows that it pretty hard to do. Several years ago most ice cream companies downsized their half gallons(two quarts) to 1.75 quarts. Today most are 1.5 quarts. Most everyone knows this and I just realized Tropicana orange juice carton is no longer 64 ounces. While most are aware of these, there are many other downsizes we don't notice. Frito-Lays recently have done this....again. The eleven oz bag of Lays Potato Chips are now ten and a half. I held both sizes in my hand and they looked and felt identical(except for the size description and upc code).
    This is what is called good marketing. Rather than raise the price that some people will notice, they reduce the size which most won't notice. When the one pound can of coffee was reduced to 13 ounces most of us would notice. But now when they reduce it to eleven ounces, it's not so obvious. Cookies, crackers, canned goods, just about everything has been reduced except the price. But the best job of "marketing" I've seen was done by the Weight Watchers company. They reduced the size of their frozen dinners. Absolutely nothing changed with the product except for the smaller portion. Oh yes, and one more change. They put a tag on the box that read "Now, Even Fewer Calories, Same Great Taste".   

Did I Just Douche Myself?

Disclaimer: Reality Check. I am an idiot.

    I am not a morning person. On work days my routine is to go to the toilet, shave, shower, and dress. I can pretty much do this half asleep. In fact, I have caught myself in the middle of my shower and thought "Have I shampooed my hair yet?" ( See disclaimer above) Make my coffee and then my day can start! But this morning I was in the middle of my shower when my shower soap caught my eye. It read: Old Spice  Denali  Body Wash  Gel Douche. The first thing that came to me mind was "Did I just douche myself?(again, see disclaimer above)
    Now I understand that the "gel douche" was likely a spanish thing. I said I was an idiot, not stupid. So after my second cup of coffee I decided to Google douche(see disclaimer above). As is usually the case with a google word search I got more than I bargained for. A top 25 douche list. Some enterprising person is trying to make a buck with a send a douche a douche service. I can even sign up for a douche of the day. There were also plenty of youtube videos that I don't dare look at. So what am I doing here?(once again, see disclaimer above) Doesn't matter, it's time to go to work! The start of another day for an idiot.



                                                                   

FDA is Going to Scare Smokers

RICHMOND, Va. – Rotting teeth and gums. Diseased lungs. A sewn-up corpse of a smoker. Cigarette smoke coming out of the tracheotomy hole in a man's neck. Cigarette packs in the U.S. will have to carry these macabre images in nine new warning labels that are part of a campaign by the Food and Drug Administration to use fear and disgust to discourage Americans from lighting up.

    Really? Do you really think this is going to make smokers stop? Reality check time. Cancer, heart disease, premature babies, and death is not scary enough? Smokers know the dangers. Lets try a new approach. How about getting some George Clooney(I'm dating myself) type hunk and have him do a public service commercial. He could say something like "kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray". Would this help  women think twice about smoking? And for you guys, lets get the current hottie actress singer come out and say "I'd do just about any guy except a smoker". Would that work? Nah, I guess not, but it's still better than the new scare effort by the FDA.  

A Tribute To My Father

    As much as I accuse my wife, in reality I am a bit of a pack rat. Even worse, I am an unorganized pack rat. So I came up with this great idea to pay tribute to my father by posting something he wrote to the sports editor who in return put it in his daily column. We were pretty surprised when my father decided to sit down at a typewriter and put his thoughts on paper. It wasn't really like him. If I was surprised by that then I was shocked that he had written something an editor thought worthy of putting in newsprint. Sorry Dad, but I was an early teen and thought my parents were pretty lame. My father would write these kooky, off beat stories that were a little amusing. I think it is safe to say that gene ended up in me. He sent in several "stories" and every one of them found it's way into the local paper. All but one that is. Once he went a little too far and only got a mention from the editor that this was " a family newspaper". My Prodigy friends can attest that I enjoyed pushing the limits with my own little stories. Yes sir, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
   So my plan was to post one of my Dad's stories to honor him. He has passed almost seventeen years ago and I thought he needed his own blog. Newsprint fades but digital stories will forever be floating around in cyberspace. Now is when the unorganized pack rat comes in. I know that I have these articles, just can't seem to find them. If I can't find them I will get them from my mother. They will find their way here.  Sadly, just not today.
    So Happy Fathers Day to all daddies out there. You all are unique and special in your own way.  

A Little Common Sense

    Here is a tip for some of you guys out there. Trying to catch the eye of that certain someone? Are you trying to close the deal on what you think will be a great relationship, be it thirty minutes or thirty years? There are many ways to do this but I'm pretty sure it doesn't include sending a picture of your Johnson. No matter how great you think it is(and personally I think its a little gay if you do), it will not impress the ladies. Women have different tastes in what is attractive about a man. Try taking a picture of yourself holding a puppy. Perhaps a picture of you dressed in black(I hear some women like that dark side, bad boy thing). Even a picture of you in your cell on death row will get you more women than that shot of your junk.
    Brett Farve is rich, fairly good looking, a sports star, and on television. Any of these can get you plenty of women. You have all of these and you still thought it was important to send a picture of Mr. Winky??? The same goes for you Mr. Wiener. I can only surmise that a loss of common sense is caused by a huge ego.        Many liberals(male and female) have tried to defend Congressman Weiner. They says that he didn't break any laws. But what he did was lie thru his teeth to save his ass.He even said he was filing a police report to find out who sent those photos. That would have been against the law, but he lied about doing that too. My liberals tell me that Republicans lie all the time. Of course they do. Hell, they even have their own network(FOX News) to do it for them.
    Do you remember the old commercials for Hebrew National? They said that their meats surpassed all the US government requirements and they "answer to a higher authority". We are liberals. We should answer to higher ethics.

    

Welcome

    Just what the world needed, another blogger! I'm starting this blog not because I think people want to hear my views. I'm doing it because I need an outlet to express my thoughts. I need to remind myself what is real, really real. Reality TV is certainly not real. Stick a camera in front of people and tell them millions of people will be watching you and you won't get reality. If you want reality on TV I suggest you watch old reruns of Candid Camera.
    So welcome to my blog. Please feel free to visit and post as often as you please. If you like what I have to say or post then let me know. If you don't like it, post and tell me why. This will be a work in progress, so please be patient. So kick off your shoes and relax. Have a drink, have a smoke, or do whatever you do to put your mind at ease. This is Reality, but it doesn't mean we can't have a little fun.