Blogger Notes: Today's blog contains a couple cuss words. I could have easily disguised them such as s#!!% or f@(%, but my mother-in-law who is my biggest blog fan(perhaps the only) had a complaint. "Where is the profanity?" So today I leave them in just for you Jean. Now please get off my ass and let me write!
Recently I had the opportunity to go to one of those touristy dinner shows called Midevil Times. This is a franchised operation with several locations all in tourist areas. I went to a similar show that was themed with Pirates a few years back. The idea behind all of these shows is: Keep It Simple Stupid! The audience/dinners are seated around the stage, pirate ship, or in this case a giant sand box for the horseys to play and run. The seating area is divided up into six colors. Each color will have someone to cheer for, albiet a pirate, knight, or whatever. We eat and cheer for our color. Can't be any simplier.
Midevil Times has one big diffence. Since this is supposed to be about the olden days with knights and kings they decided to get us in the mood we would not be given any silverware. Yep, we shall eat with our hands! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when this whole idea was pitched to the financial backer when Midevil Times was planned. Did it go like this:
So you want to put on a dinner show with knights and jousting and all that stuff, right?
Yes. People will cheer for thier knight as he performs stunts, and battles with lances and swords.
Interesting. Anything else?
To get everyone in the mood, there will be no silverware. They eat with their hands like the old days.
Are you nuts! No one wants to eat with their hands.
By doing so we will save $XX amount of dollars on silverware, dishwashing, and staff.
Wow! I love it!
Now I know the show is going to be cheesey and somewhat predictable. But I am a tourist and I'm not going to be critical. Just going to watch and cheer for my color and have a good time. With one exception, the king's daughter. I can't remember her name so I will call her Princess Cantactalot. Every time that woman opened her mouth I could only think to myself "Who did she know and what did she have to do to get this job?". I have seen better acting at a kindergarten play. With that said, on to enjoy the show.
As we are being servered our first course, the emcee comes out on a beautifully decorated white horse. The lights are dimmed and the spotlight beams down on him as he explains the storyline and what a treat we are all in for. What happened next proved to me that the horse was the bect actor out there. How he was able to perform exactly on cue was amazing. Just as the excee was finishing his speech that horse raised his tail and produced a huge pile of .........EVERYONE. LET'S EAT!!!
Everyone is now trying to put that last memory out of our heads as we slurp our soup out of a bowl. I over heard our server telling a group next to us that our knight, the green knight, was an evil knight. Oh really, how evil can he be? I told my wife that if that is the case then our knight will do quite well but will lose in the end because good always wins over evil. At least in tourist shows. We soon learn that our Green Knight is evil and is responsible for kidnapping the kings son. He is the guy who is to marry Princess Cantactforshitalot. <-------- Did you catch that Jean?
As the show proceeds along with our dinner things start to get ugly. Ever try to eat a half of a roasted chicken and ribs without silverware? I would have paid five dollars for a wet wipe, but only had one cheap flimsy napkin. But things were getting uglier on the show. I didn't mind being on the team(color) that was for the bad guy and it seemed that my other green team section didn't either. In fact, we embraced it. With every little evil thing our knight did our green team cheered with joy. Soon we were by far louder than any other color section. In fact, it became clear that it was the green section against everyone else. I thought to myself that will probably try to tone this down a bit. I was wrong.
With every compitition our Green Knight was flawless. When one of the other knights would make a mistake my green team would ridicule and jeer them. Twice knights from the other team came over to our section and pointed at us and then pointed at their horse's ass. <-------- there is another one Jean. This was not toning it down and our Green Team became louder and unrulier. Then when Princess Cantactherwayoutofapaperbagalot spoke about the Prince someone from the Green section shouted "The Prince is Dead!". This was getting uglier and no one seemed to care. We on the Green team didn't care and our Green Knight seemed to love it and encouraged us on. Our Green Knight took on the persona of the biggest, meanest wrestler on the WWE. About dessert time the king was giving a speech about peace when yet another Green Team member shouted out "Fuck Peace!" <------that one is the big one now Jean.
Of course in the end the Green Knight was defeated. There was never any doubt, but I was surprised how unruly they let our team become. The Green Team lost but we had the best time by far. We were hated by all the other teams. But we were more full of hate, vulgarity, and just plain nastiness. It Was Great!!! As the show concluded I leaned over to my wife and said "Now I know what it is like to be a member of the Tea Party".
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Random Observations From Losing Electrical Power
My planned blog for the week has been delayed because of Hurricane Irene. We lost electricity at our house for two days and I want to share some random thoughts I have had because of this. The planned blog will be posted in a few days so please come back as I think it is a good one. Here are some things that ran into my head while coping without power.
- I love my iphone(smart phone) more than ever.
- We have certain neighbors that we only meet and talk to when the electricity goes out. In-evidently we will go outside and walk the neighborhood when the power goes out and meet neighbors doing the same thing. Power goes on and we retreat back to home base.
- When driving, if you approach a broken traffic light you are to treat the intersection as a four way stop. Over 89% of the drivers either don't know this or care to oblige it.
- My wife is still my best friend.
- About 7:30 PM I begin to wonder what kind of dress Vanna is wearing tonight. This is odd because when I am watching Wheel of Fortune I am usually wondering what Vanna is wearing under her dress.
- About 7:35 PM I begin to wonder what Pat is wearing tonight. This is odd because usually I ............. umm, never mind.
- My name is Kirby and I am an addict. An electricity addict. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to do anything about it.
- Three people lose power in their separate houses. Let's call them A, B, and C. A is the first to get his power back on. A immediately calls B to tell them. B says they are happy for them, but really is pissed at them for having all the comforts of electricity while B plays his 514th game of solitaire. B then gets his electricity back and immediately calls C.
- Thank god indoor plumbing doesn't require electricity.
- Even if indoor plumbing doesn't require electricity, COLD SHOWERS SUCK!!!
- Why is it that when the power is out I look at the radio while listening to it. Do I really think it is going to all of a sudden flash an image at me?
- As bad as it has been without electricity after Hurricane Irene, it is so much better than after Hurricane Andrew in South Florida. Mid ninety degree temperatures with high humidity is pure misery.
- Long after the power has gone out I am going to the basement and as I start down the steps I put my hand out to turn on the light switch. This is a moment I do not want to forget. Whenever I start to feel I'm a pretty smart person, whenever I start to feel a little cocky, whenever I shake my head at how stupid people can be, I must remember this moment. The power was out and I tried to turn on the light switch! WHAT A DUMB ASS!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Beware! Enter with Caution! These were some of the warnings I heard about twenty years ago. Even the gatekeeper stated "Not responsible once you enter". Of course I ventured inside. The first time or two were quick visits, but soon I began to take more time and look around. It wasn't much to see. Sure it was vast, but it was drab looking and underdeveloped. Yet, I could see the potential. In twenty or thirty years this could be huge. Turns out my bold prediction was understated. If you haven't figured it out the gatekeeper was called Netscape(I think) and I'm talking about the Internet.
Back then, most people got to the internet via one of the on-line services like America On Line, or Prodigy. With the introduction of the personal home computers these services were available for a monthly fee. This was the start of social networking, even before the internet. Ironically these services introduced us to the internet which eventually offered everything the services had rendering them useless. These on-line services were an important first step in the development of the internet and I will blog about them at a later time.
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
First the good. The information super highway. There is no denying the amount of useful and non useful information on the internet and some of it is actually truthful. Google has become our window to the world of anything we want to know or see. My smart phone has a Google ap that I simple talk into the phone my search words and it works remarkably well. In fact, I just say "The Reality Check Report" and there is my blog lasted in the top five! How cool is that. The internet is only limited to your imagination.
Unfortunately there is plenty of bad. Texting while driving comes to mind first. Then there is the invasion of privacy issue. We can't blame the internet entirely on this, but it certainly has helped promote it. Don't believe me? Check out youtube. If you are out of your home and something happens to you that you wouldn't want to be public notice, well that just won't happen. Cameras are everywhere and they see everything. Then there is the time people use on the internet. Time that a child should be using on school work(unless the internet is used for school work), socializing(and I don't mean text messaging), sports and exercise, or playing video games<G>. Time that a parent should be using parenting. Time that a spouse should be ... you get the point.
The good and the bad. The internet and mostly facebook has become a huge presence lately in the world. Without facebook Egyptian president Mubarak would still be president and not confined to a hospital bed behind bars. Libya's Moammar Gadhafi would still have a strong hold on his regime without the internet. No wonder China has tried to clamp down on Google to try to control the internet.
Then there is the just plain ugly. Child pornographers have used the internet to exploit and promote their sickness. I have heard of snuff films(actual killings of people) being distributed on the internet. Al quaeda has used the internet to promote their hate and violence. All kinds of fringe groups can use the internet to present lies to look like the truth. I haven't tried this but I'm sure if you Google "the world is flat" or "Obama is not a US citizen" you could find plenty of sites that will present truthful looking facts to support these beliefs.
The internet is here to stay with all the good, bad, and ugly. Pandora's box has been opened and there is no turning back now. I don't have a clue as to what the next twenty years are going to be like with the internet. I am curious about something though. I wonder how many FBI and CIA agents who walked the streets twenty years ago to get their information are now doing the same behind a desk(on the internet)? Or how many will be doing the same twenty years from now?
Back then, most people got to the internet via one of the on-line services like America On Line, or Prodigy. With the introduction of the personal home computers these services were available for a monthly fee. This was the start of social networking, even before the internet. Ironically these services introduced us to the internet which eventually offered everything the services had rendering them useless. These on-line services were an important first step in the development of the internet and I will blog about them at a later time.
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
First the good. The information super highway. There is no denying the amount of useful and non useful information on the internet and some of it is actually truthful. Google has become our window to the world of anything we want to know or see. My smart phone has a Google ap that I simple talk into the phone my search words and it works remarkably well. In fact, I just say "The Reality Check Report" and there is my blog lasted in the top five! How cool is that. The internet is only limited to your imagination.
Unfortunately there is plenty of bad. Texting while driving comes to mind first. Then there is the invasion of privacy issue. We can't blame the internet entirely on this, but it certainly has helped promote it. Don't believe me? Check out youtube. If you are out of your home and something happens to you that you wouldn't want to be public notice, well that just won't happen. Cameras are everywhere and they see everything. Then there is the time people use on the internet. Time that a child should be using on school work(unless the internet is used for school work), socializing(and I don't mean text messaging), sports and exercise, or playing video games<G>. Time that a parent should be using parenting. Time that a spouse should be ... you get the point.
The good and the bad. The internet and mostly facebook has become a huge presence lately in the world. Without facebook Egyptian president Mubarak would still be president and not confined to a hospital bed behind bars. Libya's Moammar Gadhafi would still have a strong hold on his regime without the internet. No wonder China has tried to clamp down on Google to try to control the internet.
Then there is the just plain ugly. Child pornographers have used the internet to exploit and promote their sickness. I have heard of snuff films(actual killings of people) being distributed on the internet. Al quaeda has used the internet to promote their hate and violence. All kinds of fringe groups can use the internet to present lies to look like the truth. I haven't tried this but I'm sure if you Google "the world is flat" or "Obama is not a US citizen" you could find plenty of sites that will present truthful looking facts to support these beliefs.
The internet is here to stay with all the good, bad, and ugly. Pandora's box has been opened and there is no turning back now. I don't have a clue as to what the next twenty years are going to be like with the internet. I am curious about something though. I wonder how many FBI and CIA agents who walked the streets twenty years ago to get their information are now doing the same behind a desk(on the internet)? Or how many will be doing the same twenty years from now?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Hell, I Don't even know where Micronesia is.
singing to the tune of Carly Simon's hit:
I'm so vain.
I probably think this blog is about me.
I'm soooo vain.
I probably think this blog is about me.
Don't I. Don't I. Don't I.
So far we have learned that I am an idiot, prejudice, and an elitist. Today I will declare myself VAIN. This is not an easy thing to admit. I've always have thought of myself as pretty down to earth guy. I realize that I am just a speck on this earth. I take pride that I have a "big picture" view on life. Besides, vanity is pretty subjective, isn't it? From the time I get up in the morning till I go to bed I probably comb my hair on average about five times. My wife thinks this is vain. I disagree. But trying to judge ones own vanity is difficult. I'm sure Oprah and Donald Trump have no idea how vain they sound.
I have my own blog! How could I not be vain? But I'm not vain because I have my own blog. I started this blog because I like to write about my slightly skewed views on life. It is therapeutic. Yes, there were a handful of people who seemed to enjoy my writings several years back. And yes I hope there may be few people who will enjoy my blog now. But I write because I like to write. It's a hobby. Vanity is not a part of this.
Then I discovered a little tab up on the top of my blog's page that said "stats". When I clicked on this button I was surprised. It told me how people got to my blog and even what type of browser they were using. More importantly it told me how many people have visited my blog and what time of day they were there. It even told me what country they are from. Pretty cool! But with a minimal amount of self promoting I was shocked that I have had over a thousand visits(I don't count my own) from fourteen different countries!!! All in less than two months, 800 of them in the last month. Hello Mr. Vanity! I have had visits from France, Russia, Peru, Australia, Ecuador, and Micronesia. Hell, I don't even know where Micronesia is. Some of you may not think all this is that impressive, but it sure is for little ol' humble me. My vanity level skyrocketed.
Reality Check Time:
I've had my five minutes of fame( actually about a month). My numbers are decreasing already. My visitor from Jamaica hasn't come back. I have not had even one comment on my blog. And all that is just fine. I will continue to write. Not to try to impress anyone, but because I enjoy it. If anyone stays around to visit from time to time then that is just fine too. Besides, a little vanity doesn't hurt.
I'm so vain.
I probably think this blog is about me.
I'm soooo vain.
I probably think this blog is about me.
Don't I. Don't I. Don't I.
So far we have learned that I am an idiot, prejudice, and an elitist. Today I will declare myself VAIN. This is not an easy thing to admit. I've always have thought of myself as pretty down to earth guy. I realize that I am just a speck on this earth. I take pride that I have a "big picture" view on life. Besides, vanity is pretty subjective, isn't it? From the time I get up in the morning till I go to bed I probably comb my hair on average about five times. My wife thinks this is vain. I disagree. But trying to judge ones own vanity is difficult. I'm sure Oprah and Donald Trump have no idea how vain they sound.
I have my own blog! How could I not be vain? But I'm not vain because I have my own blog. I started this blog because I like to write about my slightly skewed views on life. It is therapeutic. Yes, there were a handful of people who seemed to enjoy my writings several years back. And yes I hope there may be few people who will enjoy my blog now. But I write because I like to write. It's a hobby. Vanity is not a part of this.
Then I discovered a little tab up on the top of my blog's page that said "stats". When I clicked on this button I was surprised. It told me how people got to my blog and even what type of browser they were using. More importantly it told me how many people have visited my blog and what time of day they were there. It even told me what country they are from. Pretty cool! But with a minimal amount of self promoting I was shocked that I have had over a thousand visits(I don't count my own) from fourteen different countries!!! All in less than two months, 800 of them in the last month. Hello Mr. Vanity! I have had visits from France, Russia, Peru, Australia, Ecuador, and Micronesia. Hell, I don't even know where Micronesia is. Some of you may not think all this is that impressive, but it sure is for little ol' humble me. My vanity level skyrocketed.
Reality Check Time:
I've had my five minutes of fame( actually about a month). My numbers are decreasing already. My visitor from Jamaica hasn't come back. I have not had even one comment on my blog. And all that is just fine. I will continue to write. Not to try to impress anyone, but because I enjoy it. If anyone stays around to visit from time to time then that is just fine too. Besides, a little vanity doesn't hurt.
Friday, July 29, 2011
He Who Shall Not Be Named
My blog is less than two months old and I just scored my second big interview. Today I spoke with Dr. Frank N. Stien, head scientist at FOX News. I don't like to do two political blogs in a row, but how could I pass this up? So bear with me and I promise to do a lighter blog next time. Thanks.
Dr. Frank, thanks for taking time off from your busy schedule.
Sure Mr. Brown, but can we make this quick. I am very busy.
Okay, tell me what you are doing working for FOX?
Well, I don't want to brag, but I created the Tea Party.
Really! So you were behind all the organizing?
No. I CREATED them, in my lab. Well, all the leaders.
You mean they are not real people?
Of course not! You liberals can be so dumb.
I don't consider myself a liberal, but that isn't important. I just can't believe that all the tea party leaders aren't human.
Mr. Brown, just look at one of my most successful creations, Michele Bachmann. You really thought she was real? My god man, look at her. She doesn't even blink!
When you put it that way. She does look a little freakish. You must be proud of yourself.
It took a lot of hard work. But yes I am.
So what was your first creation?
Ron Paul. He was a good first prototype, but my bosses at FOX News were not that impressed. But then I came up with "The Son of Ron Paul" and he was a big hit.
So I take it you created Christine O'Donnell?
Everybody has to bring that one up. It wasn't my fault! FOX News rushed me to complete her for the election before it was ready.
There were problems"
What do you think smart guy? The worst part was that she wouldn't stop talking. Then I asked my assistant Igor to make her a switch so we could shut her mouth off. Well Igor, he doesn't hear so good. He thought I said to make her a witch.
That explains a lot! So tell me Dr. Frank, do you work for FOX News or the Republican Party?
One in the same Mr. Brown.
So who is really pulling the strings there, Karl Rove?
Mr. Rove is just a messenger boy.
For who?
We call him "He who shall not be named".
Oh, like Lord Voldemort?
About a hundred timed scarier.
So tell me Dr. Frank, aren't you afraid you have made this Tea Party creation so powerful that you might lose control of it.
Don't be silly. We are their masters. They know that.
Are you sure? Things are looking a little out of control in the House of Representatives
Igor! Get down there and reprogram them.
Oh geez! One of your creations just kicked John Boehner in the nuts.
Have to go Mr. Brown. Bye.
Dr. Frank, thanks for taking time off from your busy schedule.
Sure Mr. Brown, but can we make this quick. I am very busy.
Okay, tell me what you are doing working for FOX?
Well, I don't want to brag, but I created the Tea Party.
Really! So you were behind all the organizing?
No. I CREATED them, in my lab. Well, all the leaders.
You mean they are not real people?
Of course not! You liberals can be so dumb.
I don't consider myself a liberal, but that isn't important. I just can't believe that all the tea party leaders aren't human.
Mr. Brown, just look at one of my most successful creations, Michele Bachmann. You really thought she was real? My god man, look at her. She doesn't even blink!
When you put it that way. She does look a little freakish. You must be proud of yourself.
It took a lot of hard work. But yes I am.
So what was your first creation?
Ron Paul. He was a good first prototype, but my bosses at FOX News were not that impressed. But then I came up with "The Son of Ron Paul" and he was a big hit.
So I take it you created Christine O'Donnell?
Everybody has to bring that one up. It wasn't my fault! FOX News rushed me to complete her for the election before it was ready.
There were problems"
What do you think smart guy? The worst part was that she wouldn't stop talking. Then I asked my assistant Igor to make her a switch so we could shut her mouth off. Well Igor, he doesn't hear so good. He thought I said to make her a witch.
That explains a lot! So tell me Dr. Frank, do you work for FOX News or the Republican Party?
One in the same Mr. Brown.
So who is really pulling the strings there, Karl Rove?
Mr. Rove is just a messenger boy.
For who?
We call him "He who shall not be named".
Oh, like Lord Voldemort?
About a hundred timed scarier.
So tell me Dr. Frank, aren't you afraid you have made this Tea Party creation so powerful that you might lose control of it.
Don't be silly. We are their masters. They know that.
Are you sure? Things are looking a little out of control in the House of Representatives
Igor! Get down there and reprogram them.
Oh geez! One of your creations just kicked John Boehner in the nuts.
Have to go Mr. Brown. Bye.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I'm an Elitist
Reality Check: I am an elitist!
And now thanks to FOX News with the help from the American Tea Party, you can be an elitist too. Seems the above mentioned group has lowered the bar to be an elitist. . . . substantially. Just answer the three questions correctly and you too can be an elitist. So answer the questions and then check the answers. No peeking before you answer.
Question 1: What is your highest level of education?
a) four years or more of college.
b) 1 to 2 years of college.
c) high school
d) middle school
e) I got my education from the University of Hard Knocks.
Question 2: Which is larger? Your IQ or your shoe size?
a) IQ
b) I don't know.
c) My shoe size.
Questin 3: Where do you get your news and information?
a) I get my news from several places like television, newspapers, the internet, and magazines.
b) I get my news from one or two of the above.
c) I don't see much news unless TMZ or Entertainment Tonight count.
d) I listen to FOX News and FOX News only. They are the only ones who tell it like it is and what I want to hear.
Answers
Question 1: If you answered a, b, c, d, or e, then you are correct! This is not rocket science and I wanted to start off with an easy one.
Question 2: If you answered (a) then congrats. Your already an elitist in the eyes of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. You betya!
If you answered (b) you are correct also. Heck, not many of us know our IQ anyway.
If you answered (c) you are a smart ass, but you are correct also. If you read the question then your IQ is larger unless you have some really big feet!
Question 3: If you answered (a) then la de da, aren't you the smart one.
If you answered (b) or (c) then your such an elitist that Glenn Beck thinks your a communist.
And finally, if you answered (d) you don't want to be an elitist anyway. Your much too busy to think for yourself. But what are you doing at a blog called Reality Check? Run along now and stick your head back in that hole and pretend you were never here.
And now thanks to FOX News with the help from the American Tea Party, you can be an elitist too. Seems the above mentioned group has lowered the bar to be an elitist. . . . substantially. Just answer the three questions correctly and you too can be an elitist. So answer the questions and then check the answers. No peeking before you answer.
Question 1: What is your highest level of education?
a) four years or more of college.
b) 1 to 2 years of college.
c) high school
d) middle school
e) I got my education from the University of Hard Knocks.
Question 2: Which is larger? Your IQ or your shoe size?
a) IQ
b) I don't know.
c) My shoe size.
Questin 3: Where do you get your news and information?
a) I get my news from several places like television, newspapers, the internet, and magazines.
b) I get my news from one or two of the above.
c) I don't see much news unless TMZ or Entertainment Tonight count.
d) I listen to FOX News and FOX News only. They are the only ones who tell it like it is and what I want to hear.
Answers
Question 1: If you answered a, b, c, d, or e, then you are correct! This is not rocket science and I wanted to start off with an easy one.
Question 2: If you answered (a) then congrats. Your already an elitist in the eyes of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. You betya!
If you answered (b) you are correct also. Heck, not many of us know our IQ anyway.
If you answered (c) you are a smart ass, but you are correct also. If you read the question then your IQ is larger unless you have some really big feet!
Question 3: If you answered (a) then la de da, aren't you the smart one.
If you answered (b) or (c) then your such an elitist that Glenn Beck thinks your a communist.
And finally, if you answered (d) you don't want to be an elitist anyway. Your much too busy to think for yourself. But what are you doing at a blog called Reality Check? Run along now and stick your head back in that hole and pretend you were never here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Attack of the Killer Vibrators
Hello again. I finally got my interview with the one who some of you call Rushie-Poo. Unfortunately it didn't start out very well. So I will publish the first part of the interview today and get it over with. Some times that man really gets under my skin. So here is the unedited part one of my visit with Rush.
me: Hello Rush. It's been a long time.
RL : Hey Brown. Hasn't been long enough. HELLO AMERICA!!
me: Your over two hours late. What took you so long?
RL: Got held up at airport security. Missed my flight.
me: Stupid TSA. What a bunch of morons.
RL: Listen mister! Those fime folks are keeping you safe.
me: They made you miss your flight.
RL: It's a small price to pay to keep Obama and the terrorist from getting on the plane.
me: Obama? You mean Osama?
RL: You heard me.
me: Come on Rush. Those people are boobs. I have a friend who told me the TSA broke his wife's vibrator into pieces. I guess they are protecting us from "killer vibrators".
RL: Look Brown, those brave man and women in uniform are keeping your liberal ass from blowing into pieces. By the way, having trouble pleasing your wife?
me: I said it was a friend!
RL: Sure Brown. Is this what you wanted me for? To help with your marital problems?
me: No Rush. Certainly not you of all people. I see you haven't lost any weight.
RL; I happen to know your female readers LOVE me. They even gave me my pet name, Rushie-Poo.
me: Please Rush, my female readers are smart liberated women.
RL: And they all want a piece of their Rushie.
me: Luckily there is plenty to go around.
RL: I know women. They say they want to be liberated, but what they really want is to be told what to do. They want to please a man. But a real man. Not some mealy mouth, I want to share my feelings wimp of a man like you. No wonder your having problems in the bedroom.
me: I'm not having problems. I was talking about a friend.
RL: Sure you are! Sounds like you need a little Reality Check of your own
me: I hate you Rush!
me: Hello Rush. It's been a long time.
RL : Hey Brown. Hasn't been long enough. HELLO AMERICA!!
me: Your over two hours late. What took you so long?
RL: Got held up at airport security. Missed my flight.
me: Stupid TSA. What a bunch of morons.
RL: Listen mister! Those fime folks are keeping you safe.
me: They made you miss your flight.
RL: It's a small price to pay to keep Obama and the terrorist from getting on the plane.
me: Obama? You mean Osama?
RL: You heard me.
me: Come on Rush. Those people are boobs. I have a friend who told me the TSA broke his wife's vibrator into pieces. I guess they are protecting us from "killer vibrators".
RL: Look Brown, those brave man and women in uniform are keeping your liberal ass from blowing into pieces. By the way, having trouble pleasing your wife?
me: I said it was a friend!
RL: Sure Brown. Is this what you wanted me for? To help with your marital problems?
me: No Rush. Certainly not you of all people. I see you haven't lost any weight.
RL; I happen to know your female readers LOVE me. They even gave me my pet name, Rushie-Poo.
me: Please Rush, my female readers are smart liberated women.
RL: And they all want a piece of their Rushie.
me: Luckily there is plenty to go around.
RL: I know women. They say they want to be liberated, but what they really want is to be told what to do. They want to please a man. But a real man. Not some mealy mouth, I want to share my feelings wimp of a man like you. No wonder your having problems in the bedroom.
me: I'm not having problems. I was talking about a friend.
RL: Sure you are! Sounds like you need a little Reality Check of your own
me: I hate you Rush!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter or Why is Your Hand on My Ass?
Reality Check: The double standard between the sexes still exist.
Okay, no big shock there. But I would like to share with you an example of this. This story is true and I haven't embellished it. Don't need to.
Last summer my wife and I were lucky enough to visit Universal Studios in Orlando shortly after the opening of the new Harry Potter World. My wife is a Harry Potter fan and has read all the books and while I haven't read the books I have been following the progress of the development of this venture from almost the start. We were both excited to be there, albeit for different reasons. Our excitement paled compared to many of the crowd in attendance. There were many Brits there who had come from much farther away to see J.K. Rowlings fiction come to life.
While waiting in line to ride the centerpiece of the whole Harry Potter area the ride broke down ahead of us for about twenty minutes. While the line stood still we had a chance to get to know the people around us. There was a nice young British couple behind who had traveled all the way just to see and ride Harry Potter. The ride was fixed and we started moving once again and we finally got a change of scenery as the line slowly went along. The cue for the ride is a ride itself with much to see. So it was no surprise to me when the nice British lass bumped into me. I moved up a little to give her some space as the line stopped for a moment. But once again the women was pressed up against me. Just as I was about to turn and give her "the look", I felt a hand on my bottom... and then a squeeze. Suddenly the women jumped back and screamed "I thought you were my boyfriend.". "I'm so sorry." As much as I would like to think it wasn't an accident<G>, the bright red color of her face proved to me it was. Reality check for me. We had a good laugh and I had a story to tell time and time again about getting groped on Harry Potter.
But what if the roles had been reversed? What if it were I that grabbed the young woman? The boyfriend might have beat the crap out of me. I might have ended up in jail. Who knows? But certainly there is a double standard here. Just sayin...
Blogger's Notes: Hope some of you are enjoying my ramblings. I have more blogs coming. I just finished an interview with an old friend, Rev Greene from the Church of What's Happening Now. I have an old thread that I will repost when I attempted to be cute and write about bringing my big screen TV home. What followed was much more than I bargained for, but it was quite funny. Also, I think I will bring back my Thanksgiving Day Parade. Finally, I am in negotiations to bring back an old friend(?). Can't say his name until I know for sure, but I can tell you he had a nickname, Rushie-Poo.
Okay, no big shock there. But I would like to share with you an example of this. This story is true and I haven't embellished it. Don't need to.
Last summer my wife and I were lucky enough to visit Universal Studios in Orlando shortly after the opening of the new Harry Potter World. My wife is a Harry Potter fan and has read all the books and while I haven't read the books I have been following the progress of the development of this venture from almost the start. We were both excited to be there, albeit for different reasons. Our excitement paled compared to many of the crowd in attendance. There were many Brits there who had come from much farther away to see J.K. Rowlings fiction come to life.
While waiting in line to ride the centerpiece of the whole Harry Potter area the ride broke down ahead of us for about twenty minutes. While the line stood still we had a chance to get to know the people around us. There was a nice young British couple behind who had traveled all the way just to see and ride Harry Potter. The ride was fixed and we started moving once again and we finally got a change of scenery as the line slowly went along. The cue for the ride is a ride itself with much to see. So it was no surprise to me when the nice British lass bumped into me. I moved up a little to give her some space as the line stopped for a moment. But once again the women was pressed up against me. Just as I was about to turn and give her "the look", I felt a hand on my bottom... and then a squeeze. Suddenly the women jumped back and screamed "I thought you were my boyfriend.". "I'm so sorry." As much as I would like to think it wasn't an accident<G>, the bright red color of her face proved to me it was. Reality check for me. We had a good laugh and I had a story to tell time and time again about getting groped on Harry Potter.
But what if the roles had been reversed? What if it were I that grabbed the young woman? The boyfriend might have beat the crap out of me. I might have ended up in jail. Who knows? But certainly there is a double standard here. Just sayin...
Blogger's Notes: Hope some of you are enjoying my ramblings. I have more blogs coming. I just finished an interview with an old friend, Rev Greene from the Church of What's Happening Now. I have an old thread that I will repost when I attempted to be cute and write about bringing my big screen TV home. What followed was much more than I bargained for, but it was quite funny. Also, I think I will bring back my Thanksgiving Day Parade. Finally, I am in negotiations to bring back an old friend(?). Can't say his name until I know for sure, but I can tell you he had a nickname, Rushie-Poo.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Am I Prejudice?
Reality Check: I am prejudice. Aren't we all? Dictionary.com defines prejudice as: 1)
an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason and 2) any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable. So we can be prejudice in a favorable way also. I have met a dozen or two people from Boston in my lifetime and have found everyone of them to be pleasant, enjoyable people. Certainly there are some pretty nasty Bostonians that I haven't met. But if I meet someone and hear they are from Boston, I'm sure I will pre-judge them in a favorable light. Of course most of us are prejudice in the unfavorable way. I will now show my prejudice on driving.
First, over 80% of drivers think they are above average drivers. My math tells me that a lot of that 80% are wrong. We good drivers have known this all along. What about the one in five that think your not above average? Well, thank you for your honesty, now get off the road. Perhaps public transportation is in order.
Second, what about men vs. women drivers? I prejudicely rule this a tie. Men are certainly better drivers, but men(on a whole) are much more careless. So even though men drivers could dominate this category, their stupidity and egos prevent this. Wow! This is prejudice at its best. I was able to slam both sexes. By the way, there is a place below each blog where you can comment. I have made it pretty easy to use that. You don't have to register and can be anonymous. Please feel free to tell me what you think. It can make this blog much better.
Third, I want to talk about driving by regions. I have done little driving west of the Mississippi, but from what I have seen it was pretty good. West coasters tend to drive pretty fast as do east coasters, but seem to do it in a more orderly way. Florida driving has to be divided in two. There is driving during tourist season and driving in non season. They both suck! Driving in Philadelphia has been a real experience. Street lights and signs play a secondary role. The main rule is simple: Everyone yields to the crappiest car. The logic is simple, if my car is nicer than yours I don't want to hit it. An example: you are at a red light waiting for the opposite traffic left turning in front of you. The light turns green, but the traffic keeps turning in front of you. Not just one or two cars. You have to wait until someone with a nicer car than yours comes along and gun it. It helps if you look right at them with a scowl. Think of Dirty Harry "Are you feeling lucky punk". Then they will yield to you. Street lights and signs are only to be used as a tie breaker if two cars of equal value square off. Also, a quick word about parking in Philly. It is allowed, anywhere. Heard of double parking? Philly does triple parking. The same rule applies to parking as right of way. If you have a piece of junk car there is no place you can't park it. The street, the interstate, the yard, anywhere. I once went to a Philly's game and swore I saw two cars parked in left field. Philadelphia has been called the city of brotherly love. I have seen that love many times. Of course I have seen my share of hate there too. But when it come to driving, there is no love. Why is this? My theory is that Philladelphians all have to drive across the Delaware River from time to time into New Jersey.
No matter how bad Philly drivers are, they don't come close to Jersey. I think that the problem is that they have another set of driving laws. For example, in the rest of the country a driver merging onto an interstate has to yield to traffic. In Jersey. not only don't you have to yield, they don't even have to look for traffic. Look out! Here I come! Gee, even if your driving a really nice car! The rest of the country uses a turn signal to announce a turn (not nearly as often as they should) and to warn other drivers of a change of lanes. In Jersey it is just the opposite. Never use a turn signal when turning. A Jersey turn signal is like a wild card. If you put your turn signal on you have the right of way. Doesn't matter if you are doing 60mph and that Jersey Boy is doing 30, he is allowed to cut you off as long as he used his turn signal.
Am I prejudice? Hmmmm.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Are My Hands Getting Bigger or Is It Getting Smaller?
Reality Check: It's getting smaller.
Anyone who has gone to the store for a half gallon of ice cream knows that it pretty hard to do. Several years ago most ice cream companies downsized their half gallons(two quarts) to 1.75 quarts. Today most are 1.5 quarts. Most everyone knows this and I just realized Tropicana orange juice carton is no longer 64 ounces. While most are aware of these, there are many other downsizes we don't notice. Frito-Lays recently have done this....again. The eleven oz bag of Lays Potato Chips are now ten and a half. I held both sizes in my hand and they looked and felt identical(except for the size description and upc code).
This is what is called good marketing. Rather than raise the price that some people will notice, they reduce the size which most won't notice. When the one pound can of coffee was reduced to 13 ounces most of us would notice. But now when they reduce it to eleven ounces, it's not so obvious. Cookies, crackers, canned goods, just about everything has been reduced except the price. But the best job of "marketing" I've seen was done by the Weight Watchers company. They reduced the size of their frozen dinners. Absolutely nothing changed with the product except for the smaller portion. Oh yes, and one more change. They put a tag on the box that read "Now, Even Fewer Calories, Same Great Taste".
Anyone who has gone to the store for a half gallon of ice cream knows that it pretty hard to do. Several years ago most ice cream companies downsized their half gallons(two quarts) to 1.75 quarts. Today most are 1.5 quarts. Most everyone knows this and I just realized Tropicana orange juice carton is no longer 64 ounces. While most are aware of these, there are many other downsizes we don't notice. Frito-Lays recently have done this....again. The eleven oz bag of Lays Potato Chips are now ten and a half. I held both sizes in my hand and they looked and felt identical(except for the size description and upc code).
This is what is called good marketing. Rather than raise the price that some people will notice, they reduce the size which most won't notice. When the one pound can of coffee was reduced to 13 ounces most of us would notice. But now when they reduce it to eleven ounces, it's not so obvious. Cookies, crackers, canned goods, just about everything has been reduced except the price. But the best job of "marketing" I've seen was done by the Weight Watchers company. They reduced the size of their frozen dinners. Absolutely nothing changed with the product except for the smaller portion. Oh yes, and one more change. They put a tag on the box that read "Now, Even Fewer Calories, Same Great Taste".
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Did I Just Douche Myself?
Disclaimer: Reality Check. I am an idiot.
I am not a morning person. On work days my routine is to go to the toilet, shave, shower, and dress. I can pretty much do this half asleep. In fact, I have caught myself in the middle of my shower and thought "Have I shampooed my hair yet?" ( See disclaimer above) Make my coffee and then my day can start! But this morning I was in the middle of my shower when my shower soap caught my eye. It read: Old Spice Denali Body Wash Gel Douche. The first thing that came to me mind was "Did I just douche myself?(again, see disclaimer above)
Now I understand that the "gel douche" was likely a spanish thing. I said I was an idiot, not stupid. So after my second cup of coffee I decided to Google douche(see disclaimer above). As is usually the case with a google word search I got more than I bargained for. A top 25 douche list. Some enterprising person is trying to make a buck with a send a douche a douche service. I can even sign up for a douche of the day. There were also plenty of youtube videos that I don't dare look at. So what am I doing here?(once again, see disclaimer above) Doesn't matter, it's time to go to work! The start of another day for an idiot.
I am not a morning person. On work days my routine is to go to the toilet, shave, shower, and dress. I can pretty much do this half asleep. In fact, I have caught myself in the middle of my shower and thought "Have I shampooed my hair yet?" ( See disclaimer above) Make my coffee and then my day can start! But this morning I was in the middle of my shower when my shower soap caught my eye. It read: Old Spice Denali Body Wash Gel Douche. The first thing that came to me mind was "Did I just douche myself?(again, see disclaimer above)
Now I understand that the "gel douche" was likely a spanish thing. I said I was an idiot, not stupid. So after my second cup of coffee I decided to Google douche(see disclaimer above). As is usually the case with a google word search I got more than I bargained for. A top 25 douche list. Some enterprising person is trying to make a buck with a send a douche a douche service. I can even sign up for a douche of the day. There were also plenty of youtube videos that I don't dare look at. So what am I doing here?(once again, see disclaimer above) Doesn't matter, it's time to go to work! The start of another day for an idiot.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
FDA is Going to Scare Smokers
RICHMOND, Va. – Rotting teeth and gums. Diseased lungs. A sewn-up corpse of a smoker. Cigarette smoke coming out of the tracheotomy hole in a man's neck. Cigarette packs in the U.S. will have to carry these macabre images in nine new warning labels that are part of a campaign by the Food and Drug Administration to use fear and disgust to discourage Americans from lighting up.
Really? Do you really think this is going to make smokers stop? Reality check time. Cancer, heart disease, premature babies, and death is not scary enough? Smokers know the dangers. Lets try a new approach. How about getting some George Clooney(I'm dating myself) type hunk and have him do a public service commercial. He could say something like "kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray". Would this help women think twice about smoking? And for you guys, lets get the current hottie actress singer come out and say "I'd do just about any guy except a smoker". Would that work? Nah, I guess not, but it's still better than the new scare effort by the FDA.
Really? Do you really think this is going to make smokers stop? Reality check time. Cancer, heart disease, premature babies, and death is not scary enough? Smokers know the dangers. Lets try a new approach. How about getting some George Clooney(I'm dating myself) type hunk and have him do a public service commercial. He could say something like "kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray". Would this help women think twice about smoking? And for you guys, lets get the current hottie actress singer come out and say "I'd do just about any guy except a smoker". Would that work? Nah, I guess not, but it's still better than the new scare effort by the FDA.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A Tribute To My Father
As much as I accuse my wife, in reality I am a bit of a pack rat. Even worse, I am an unorganized pack rat. So I came up with this great idea to pay tribute to my father by posting something he wrote to the sports editor who in return put it in his daily column. We were pretty surprised when my father decided to sit down at a typewriter and put his thoughts on paper. It wasn't really like him. If I was surprised by that then I was shocked that he had written something an editor thought worthy of putting in newsprint. Sorry Dad, but I was an early teen and thought my parents were pretty lame. My father would write these kooky, off beat stories that were a little amusing. I think it is safe to say that gene ended up in me. He sent in several "stories" and every one of them found it's way into the local paper. All but one that is. Once he went a little too far and only got a mention from the editor that this was " a family newspaper". My Prodigy friends can attest that I enjoyed pushing the limits with my own little stories. Yes sir, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
So my plan was to post one of my Dad's stories to honor him. He has passed almost seventeen years ago and I thought he needed his own blog. Newsprint fades but digital stories will forever be floating around in cyberspace. Now is when the unorganized pack rat comes in. I know that I have these articles, just can't seem to find them. If I can't find them I will get them from my mother. They will find their way here. Sadly, just not today.
So Happy Fathers Day to all daddies out there. You all are unique and special in your own way.
So my plan was to post one of my Dad's stories to honor him. He has passed almost seventeen years ago and I thought he needed his own blog. Newsprint fades but digital stories will forever be floating around in cyberspace. Now is when the unorganized pack rat comes in. I know that I have these articles, just can't seem to find them. If I can't find them I will get them from my mother. They will find their way here. Sadly, just not today.
So Happy Fathers Day to all daddies out there. You all are unique and special in your own way.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
A Little Common Sense
Here is a tip for some of you guys out there. Trying to catch the eye of that certain someone? Are you trying to close the deal on what you think will be a great relationship, be it thirty minutes or thirty years? There are many ways to do this but I'm pretty sure it doesn't include sending a picture of your Johnson. No matter how great you think it is(and personally I think its a little gay if you do), it will not impress the ladies. Women have different tastes in what is attractive about a man. Try taking a picture of yourself holding a puppy. Perhaps a picture of you dressed in black(I hear some women like that dark side, bad boy thing). Even a picture of you in your cell on death row will get you more women than that shot of your junk.
Brett Farve is rich, fairly good looking, a sports star, and on television. Any of these can get you plenty of women. You have all of these and you still thought it was important to send a picture of Mr. Winky??? The same goes for you Mr. Wiener. I can only surmise that a loss of common sense is caused by a huge ego. Many liberals(male and female) have tried to defend Congressman Weiner. They says that he didn't break any laws. But what he did was lie thru his teeth to save his ass.He even said he was filing a police report to find out who sent those photos. That would have been against the law, but he lied about doing that too. My liberals tell me that Republicans lie all the time. Of course they do. Hell, they even have their own network(FOX News) to do it for them.
Do you remember the old commercials for Hebrew National? They said that their meats surpassed all the US government requirements and they "answer to a higher authority". We are liberals. We should answer to higher ethics.
Brett Farve is rich, fairly good looking, a sports star, and on television. Any of these can get you plenty of women. You have all of these and you still thought it was important to send a picture of Mr. Winky??? The same goes for you Mr. Wiener. I can only surmise that a loss of common sense is caused by a huge ego. Many liberals(male and female) have tried to defend Congressman Weiner. They says that he didn't break any laws. But what he did was lie thru his teeth to save his ass.He even said he was filing a police report to find out who sent those photos. That would have been against the law, but he lied about doing that too. My liberals tell me that Republicans lie all the time. Of course they do. Hell, they even have their own network(FOX News) to do it for them.
Do you remember the old commercials for Hebrew National? They said that their meats surpassed all the US government requirements and they "answer to a higher authority". We are liberals. We should answer to higher ethics.
Welcome
Just what the world needed, another blogger! I'm starting this blog not because I think people want to hear my views. I'm doing it because I need an outlet to express my thoughts. I need to remind myself what is real, really real. Reality TV is certainly not real. Stick a camera in front of people and tell them millions of people will be watching you and you won't get reality. If you want reality on TV I suggest you watch old reruns of Candid Camera.
So welcome to my blog. Please feel free to visit and post as often as you please. If you like what I have to say or post then let me know. If you don't like it, post and tell me why. This will be a work in progress, so please be patient. So kick off your shoes and relax. Have a drink, have a smoke, or do whatever you do to put your mind at ease. This is Reality, but it doesn't mean we can't have a little fun.
So welcome to my blog. Please feel free to visit and post as often as you please. If you like what I have to say or post then let me know. If you don't like it, post and tell me why. This will be a work in progress, so please be patient. So kick off your shoes and relax. Have a drink, have a smoke, or do whatever you do to put your mind at ease. This is Reality, but it doesn't mean we can't have a little fun.
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